These are a few of my [least] fav’rite things:

Just in case I am ever interviewed as a celeb on a TV show and asked that lovely banal question of ‘What are you pet hates?’ here they are, with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein:

Jik spills on pant suits and dog hairs on black coats

Bright lights when sleeping and smug winners who gloat

Gym folk who nick the disabled parking

These are a few of my least fav’rite things.

 

Underwired bras which break loose and poke in you

Muzak and payback and too-tight cute shoes

Teens who ignore the damn phone when it rings

These are a few of my least fav’rite things.

 

Girls who’re exploited and folk who spread hatred

Drone strikes and jeeps which are vanity plated.

Smart cars and mutton all dressed up with bling

These are a few of my least fav’rite things.

 

When the zip splits; when the nail breaks

These both make me sad

I simply remind myself Bieber can’t sing

And then I don’t feel so bad.

 

Taxes and lying and naked ambition

Maintenance arrears and bad punctuation

Gangsta low trousers and fat pinky rings

These are a few of my least fav’rite things.

 

Petrol price increases; school terms that drag

Too many wrinkles and buttocks which sag

Drug dealers peddling their filth at the swings

These are a few of my least fav’rite things.

 

Internet hanging and cold feet in my bed.

Nobody listening to what I just said

Seeing my children’s first break-ups begin

These are a few of my least fav’rite things.

 

When the car quits, when the bug jumps

When my darlin’s mood’s bad,

I simply remember the US has Trump

And then I don’t feel so mad!

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